The Road Horler's

At last - WiFi!!! OMG, how did we live without the internet in the past?  Although the peace of being unavailable has been L-O-V-E-R-L-Y.....not being able to access information at the touch of a button, share news, access emails has been a challenge (and a blessing)!  But we are back in the land of fast-paced living as we arrived in LA yesterday after an amazing road trip.  I had planned some great blogs, but some nights we couldn't even charge the PC, so I decided just to let it go and enjoy the moment.

My last post found us in our little condo, but since then we have visited and experienced some amazing places and people - and even though there were tough times, we loved 'The Rolling Turtle*' and where it took us! (*our nickname for our RV).

So, here is a quick overview of the past two weeks (NB: the best way to enjoy this is to sing it to a quick tune/ditty.  No singing skills required.)

The Road Horlers - 2013

So we leave our condo,

The Rolling Turtle (aka RV)

and head North to Denver,
driving 9 hours on the way.....
arrive at shitty hotel, run away to another (nicer one)
and then collect Ben Horler and the RrrrVVVV.

Rolling down to Interstate,
I take charge of the Turtle,
(and boy it's scary) over mountains we hurdle....
ooppps - watch out for that Bear! (almost)
arrive in Durango, and hang out with our pals
four lovely nights we spend there.

Then on to Mesa Verde - wow what a beauty!
Shame about the bloody RAIN
Lesson 1 in an RV learnt; close ALL windows.
Wet sheets ain't fun I can say.

Now, we head to the canyon (a dream of mine for long time)
and we oohh and ahhh and feel humble,
as we watch the sun set in wonder.
Then grumble
....... as some tossers steal our fire wood. hmm.

Ok now, on to Las Vegas - WTF, it's a nightmare.
Quick get us outta here - too much noise, lights and people,
Ahh, on to the bliss of Yosemite instead.

On the way, though the Turtle, has it's own little adventure
and we rescue a maiden in distress.
Quick thinking Angela flags down some bikers
and we all save the day.  Hooray!





Yosemite; a national park and a real Gem of a place
we hike and we hike all the day.
To see the amazing Bridalveils, cascading over rocks and walls.
Shame it had dried up - children pissed at me. Yay!

Never mind now, we head south to San Francisco.
Clam chowders, crooked streets and Alcatraz all the way!

Had a fantastic time and LOVED it
even if the campsite was slightly SHIT
Sad to move on, knowing our time with the Turtle was
short-lived.

Two days down the California coast
Cruising The Big Sur,
seeing the beauty and wonder all the way.

Arriving in Los Angeles (cough, splutter YUK)
who has hidden all the air?
Say goodbye to the Turtle, and head into our Posh hotel.

Power Shower - I have missed you.  Soft carpets I adore you.
But the road was my home and my heart.
Sad today.


Phew! - don't worry if you didn't get a tune whilst enjoying that ditty - my beer helped me with the flow of writing and it might help you too.

We have had an amazing adventure and are enjoying our last few days.

Speak soon
angela !

Mr Lautner and growing old

I had aimed to write a lovely reflective piece about how our de-cluttering and down-sizing is going; how it felt to clear Lily's room (sickening, as she had so much stuff that I had wasted money on), how it felt to walk past shops (liberating, but ohhh there is some pretty stuff out their), how I was feeling inside (much better thanks), but the truth is, I am feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment.  I am feeling old.  Now, I am not expecting any pity here (I can do that for myself, thank you) as I am in good health (mostly), and I am still closer to 35 then 40, and I still (hopefully) have many years ahead of me, but this week has been one of those 'light-bulb' moments that we sometimes have.....

Something for sore eyes

Friday nights, are film  night in our family; this week we settled to watch Abduction [DVD], an action movie starring Taylor Lautner.  Now, if you haven't come across Taylor before, he is quite attractive (British tone) or Pretty Hot (American tone).  My mind, which tends to work in that slightly restrained British tone, is leaning more towards the American (pretty hot) attitude when it comes to Taylor.  It's more relaxed, if you get what I mean.

Mr Lautner

Anyway, Taylor is the main character in the film, and is all kind of moody and actioney, and YOUNG!  Oh my, how young.  And here in lies the problem that is making me feel old; Mr Lautner is closer in age to my teenage daughters than to me; and my teenage daughters also think he is pretty hot.  Somehow, over the past 14 years, I have grown up: I have raised three children to double figures (and the're not too damaged, well done Ben & I!), qualified in a profession, made friends, lost friends, laughed, cried, and got older - even though in my head I am still 20 something - I have got older.

Apparently, if I am attracted to someone much younger, or who is now closer in age to my daughter's, then technically, I understand that makes me a 'cougar', an older woman chasing a younger man.  Or then again, maybe it just makes me someone who feels young in-side, who can still dream, who still has a whole life ahead, who likes to window shop (after all, I am downsizing and not 'buying' stuff any more).  Perfectly acceptable then?  I think so.

I know one thing that this 'light-bulb' moment has enabled me to see, and that is my children are growing, and my eldest will not be my 'child' for much longer, but a young woman with her own hopes, dreams and life.  I can not choose her dreams or live my own 'failed' ones through her, but as her parent, I can only hope to prepare her for her own exciting, challenging, changing journey.  I have to have the maturity and wisdom to let her go - and that is something that can come with getting older.

Several years ago, I came across a book called 'The Prophet'; this beautiful collection of prose poetry shares wisdom in a simply profound way.  My favourite, is the one on Children:

enjoy
angela x

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." 

And he said:


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable. 

The possibilities of change

The past twelve months has been the hardest, scariest, most exciting, difficult and amazing journey of my life, and I am sensing a 'size-mic' shift in our family and where we are heading.

I have been on a personal journey of growth and change since Noah was born; having my child at home made me start to question the 'establishment', the 'norm', and ever since then this has pretty much been a theme of mine; to question, to try and see things through a 'different' lens, to explore some of the alternatives.  It makes life interesting, it can make life harder, but somehow it always ends up feeling 'good' - instinctively 'right'.

So this year, my core beliefs are up for questioning again!  When my lovely hubby and I started out on our journey of 'married life', these where our goals:

• Children
• A four-bedroom detached house (witn en-suite)
• Two nice cars on the drive
• Holidays 
• Nice 'things'

A normal list, the suburban dream right?  The thing is, we've done all of that, and somehow I don't feel fulfilled by any of it.  This is what I see instead:

• Individuals who are vying to be heard
• A large house that needs cleaning and maintenance, and a mortgage that is a noose around our necks
• A nice car that cost a fortune to run
• Expensive holidays that you spend all year wishing away time to get to - and then the rest of the year paying off!
• Stuff

I have often swung between wishing and trying to be more 'authentic', and then idealising the 'modern dream', but the events this year have finally shown me that actually, my heart and soul is with being authentic. In conclusion, Modern life sucks.  

So, with the help of wonderful new book, we are starting the change; we are working our way towards a different list, a different way of demonstrating success, a more 'authentic' way of being:

• A family who are connected, but learning to walk their own paths
  (loving, sharing and letting go)
• A small home to keep us warm and safe
  (small mortgage, less cleaning, more time to pursue mindful living)
• One car
  (a reliable, inexpensive car without huge monthly commitments)
• Trips
  (visiting places, having experiences, winter camping.  NO post-holiday bills to clear!)
• Living with what we need - not want we 'want'
  (less stuff to organise, clean, sort, pay for etc etc)

This month we are clearing out, de-cluttering, letting-go of things that we simply do not need.  I personally have decided to take the 'project333' and have whittled down my wardrobe (a challenge I can tell you!) and have another few things to go..... but it is already feeling very liberating.  We are taking on one room at a time, and we will then re-do those rooms, and then re-do those rooms again!  We have challenged the children too, and will be introducing the '30-day' rule; if you want something, wait for 30 days, and then if you still want it / need it, then you can buy it (if you have saved the money).  

Our goal will take time to 'reach', but the real learning is not in getting 'there', but in the journey we take; re-finding who we are, making space and time for the things that are really important to us, connecting with our souls, reducing our consumption of stuff, letting-go of societal norms.

I also have the personal challenge of letting-go of some of my baggage, of grieving and healing; lately I have been feeling angry and hurt that when people ask me how I am, they don't really ask me how I am, or really take the time to listen.  That maybe, because I blog, because 7 months have passed since mum died, because I am getting on with life, I am OK.    I AM NOT OK - just in case you were wondering.  I am angry, very angry, really angry, gigantically angry, and in case you weren't sure - I'M ANGRY.  And I'm hurting.  It's like my heart has been ripped out, mashed about, squashed and then shoved back in - and I am supposed to be OK.  That after all this time I should have 'closure'.  So, after watching this amazing lecture, I have learnt that I don't need closure, I just need to heal, I just need to be.  I have decided it is time to have counselling to help me voice my emotions around the loss and death of my mother; I have decided that I don't want to parent with anger any more; I have realised it is my problem that people don't ask, and that by working towards our new 'goals', I will have the time to take care of me, my family and invest in those around me who fill my heart and soul and totally 'get' where I am at. (Rant over).

So, in summary, our learning journey for the next few months is about living with less, loving with more, and defining our own (not the 'norm') terms of success.  

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

angela xx