Mr Lautner and growing old

I had aimed to write a lovely reflective piece about how our de-cluttering and down-sizing is going; how it felt to clear Lily's room (sickening, as she had so much stuff that I had wasted money on), how it felt to walk past shops (liberating, but ohhh there is some pretty stuff out their), how I was feeling inside (much better thanks), but the truth is, I am feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment.  I am feeling old.  Now, I am not expecting any pity here (I can do that for myself, thank you) as I am in good health (mostly), and I am still closer to 35 then 40, and I still (hopefully) have many years ahead of me, but this week has been one of those 'light-bulb' moments that we sometimes have.....

Something for sore eyes

Friday nights, are film  night in our family; this week we settled to watch Abduction [DVD], an action movie starring Taylor Lautner.  Now, if you haven't come across Taylor before, he is quite attractive (British tone) or Pretty Hot (American tone).  My mind, which tends to work in that slightly restrained British tone, is leaning more towards the American (pretty hot) attitude when it comes to Taylor.  It's more relaxed, if you get what I mean.

Mr Lautner

Anyway, Taylor is the main character in the film, and is all kind of moody and actioney, and YOUNG!  Oh my, how young.  And here in lies the problem that is making me feel old; Mr Lautner is closer in age to my teenage daughters than to me; and my teenage daughters also think he is pretty hot.  Somehow, over the past 14 years, I have grown up: I have raised three children to double figures (and the're not too damaged, well done Ben & I!), qualified in a profession, made friends, lost friends, laughed, cried, and got older - even though in my head I am still 20 something - I have got older.

Apparently, if I am attracted to someone much younger, or who is now closer in age to my daughter's, then technically, I understand that makes me a 'cougar', an older woman chasing a younger man.  Or then again, maybe it just makes me someone who feels young in-side, who can still dream, who still has a whole life ahead, who likes to window shop (after all, I am downsizing and not 'buying' stuff any more).  Perfectly acceptable then?  I think so.

I know one thing that this 'light-bulb' moment has enabled me to see, and that is my children are growing, and my eldest will not be my 'child' for much longer, but a young woman with her own hopes, dreams and life.  I can not choose her dreams or live my own 'failed' ones through her, but as her parent, I can only hope to prepare her for her own exciting, challenging, changing journey.  I have to have the maturity and wisdom to let her go - and that is something that can come with getting older.

Several years ago, I came across a book called 'The Prophet'; this beautiful collection of prose poetry shares wisdom in a simply profound way.  My favourite, is the one on Children:

enjoy
angela x

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." 

And he said:


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.