Mr Lautner and growing old

I had aimed to write a lovely reflective piece about how our de-cluttering and down-sizing is going; how it felt to clear Lily's room (sickening, as she had so much stuff that I had wasted money on), how it felt to walk past shops (liberating, but ohhh there is some pretty stuff out their), how I was feeling inside (much better thanks), but the truth is, I am feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment.  I am feeling old.  Now, I am not expecting any pity here (I can do that for myself, thank you) as I am in good health (mostly), and I am still closer to 35 then 40, and I still (hopefully) have many years ahead of me, but this week has been one of those 'light-bulb' moments that we sometimes have.....

Something for sore eyes

Friday nights, are film  night in our family; this week we settled to watch Abduction [DVD], an action movie starring Taylor Lautner.  Now, if you haven't come across Taylor before, he is quite attractive (British tone) or Pretty Hot (American tone).  My mind, which tends to work in that slightly restrained British tone, is leaning more towards the American (pretty hot) attitude when it comes to Taylor.  It's more relaxed, if you get what I mean.

Mr Lautner

Anyway, Taylor is the main character in the film, and is all kind of moody and actioney, and YOUNG!  Oh my, how young.  And here in lies the problem that is making me feel old; Mr Lautner is closer in age to my teenage daughters than to me; and my teenage daughters also think he is pretty hot.  Somehow, over the past 14 years, I have grown up: I have raised three children to double figures (and the're not too damaged, well done Ben & I!), qualified in a profession, made friends, lost friends, laughed, cried, and got older - even though in my head I am still 20 something - I have got older.

Apparently, if I am attracted to someone much younger, or who is now closer in age to my daughter's, then technically, I understand that makes me a 'cougar', an older woman chasing a younger man.  Or then again, maybe it just makes me someone who feels young in-side, who can still dream, who still has a whole life ahead, who likes to window shop (after all, I am downsizing and not 'buying' stuff any more).  Perfectly acceptable then?  I think so.

I know one thing that this 'light-bulb' moment has enabled me to see, and that is my children are growing, and my eldest will not be my 'child' for much longer, but a young woman with her own hopes, dreams and life.  I can not choose her dreams or live my own 'failed' ones through her, but as her parent, I can only hope to prepare her for her own exciting, challenging, changing journey.  I have to have the maturity and wisdom to let her go - and that is something that can come with getting older.

Several years ago, I came across a book called 'The Prophet'; this beautiful collection of prose poetry shares wisdom in a simply profound way.  My favourite, is the one on Children:

enjoy
angela x

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." 

And he said:


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable. 

A week of travel

Last week we did a lot of travelling; we travelled along the Amazon and searched for the Xanti, we visited  Panem and some of it's districts, we nipped to the living room and explored the female pelvis and we met with some 'wild things' in a far off distant land.

Our week started with a workshop I hosted entitled 'A Morning with a Midwife'; 12 home-ed children aged 9 - 15 spent the morning with me as we covered the physiology and anatomy of pregnancy, birth and the pelvis (you can read all about it here in my midwifery blog).  It was a really great morning and I enjoyed it so much that I will be offering it again in the not too distant future.....

and in different tones.

Sophie's current work...

Sophie has been continuing with her art GCSE; I am so amazed with how talented she is (I can just about draw a stick man) and it is so lovely to see her skills developing; we are planning some trips to support her studies, and she is really growing into her creativity which is so important.  A fellow home-ed mother sent a great link to a blog post about the importance of creativity, and whilst there are set pieces of work to do, and yes it is being 'evaluated', there is a lot of emphasis on personal growth.  Sophie is struggling a little with the required amount of work, but the great thing about home-ed is she is not trying to fit in 8 other GCSE's (and a life) at the same time!

Finally, after quite a few months, Noah and I finished our trip along the Amazon with 'Journey to the River Sea'.  We stopped reading this together for quite a while, and I'm not sure how and why that happened really: however, after talking to an experienced home educating mum about my frustration with not always getting done what we had set out to do, she shared with me a gem of knowledge:

  "if there is one thing I have realised along my only journey of home ed, it's that things are always changing.  And the one consistent thing that has made a real difference to their learning is reading, reading, reading.  Reading to my children opens so many worlds and introduces them to say many things and it forces me to sit with my child for a cuddle.  It is the one thing we never let slip".  

This sharing of such a simple key element to home ed was really enlightening for me (another letting go of expectations?) so I have sat and read with Noah and Lily (Sophie, at nearly 14 is not feeling the need quite so much) and finally Noah and I finished reading what turned out to be a beautifully written, exciting and wonderful book!  I researched some 'top children's books list' and the next book we are tackling is 'Treasure Island'.


The rest of our week was relatively quiet, and on Friday we had a DVD day.  Noah and I sat and watched 'Where The Wild Things Are'; this charming film was based on the classic book by Maurice Sendak and is one of our favourites.  The film we loved!  For me, I felt that the wild things were reflecting the emotions that Max was experiencing and unable to vocalise; it made Noah think a lot, but he mainly just enjoyed it for what is was.  Lily, being Asperger's, just saw it through her own eyes and couldn't see the 'point' of the film as it was so obviously just people dressed up; it is difficult for an 'Aspie' person to see things through someone else's eyes, and just by chance I came across the fab blog written by an Aspie adult who really helps explain how they 'see' things.  It really is a sweet family film and both Noah and I cried at the end.

Our evening choice of DVD was a little less gentle; The Hunger Games.  We had heard varying views on the suitability of this film, but we all really, really enjoyed it!  Yes, it was quite violent, but the story was more than just people killing each other (really) and inspired lots of debate between the family.  The next day we brought the book set and I nabbed the book version first, with the others queuing up to read it after I have finished.


Some weeks we get loads done, others a lot less; on the surface it can appear we aren't really doing much at all, but secretly we (all) our doing that thing of learning all the time.  Even if it is just about ourselves or the films we like.

Teaching is not a matter of making children learn; it is a matter of making sure you don’t get in their way.  David Gribble

angela x