When it doesn't rain.....

Life has a funny way of ensuring that just when you have it all under control, it decides to show you that actually Mother Nature is in charge - not us!

At the start of last week I thought I was getting things 'sussed' so to speak.  The girls in school; Noah enjoying home-schooling; a loose time-table in place.....  things were looking good.  It's amazing how in just 7 short days your life can change significantly - learning to go with the flow is something I am starting to have to become good at.

In December 1993, I was a 17 year old girl, studying at college and on the cusp of adult-hood.  My mum, took a huge overdose that Christmas and my life changed.  Overnight.  Mum slipped into a coma and when she finally came-round it was clear that things were not good.  My bright, intelligent, funny, mother was severely and irreversibly brain damaged.  My world crumbled and for 18 years I had to slowly let her go, greive for her, and come to terms with the fact the my mother did not really know me; was bed-ridden; tube-fed and had very limited awareness of the world around her.  To help me bare with the heart-break, and to make it easier for others, I simply told most people she had died; and in a way she had.  The woman she had been was not a refelction of the shell that exisited, and every time I saw her another part of my heart would break.

So, back to March 2012 and me being super-pleased that I was in control; clearly not!  On Saturday, after 18 long years my mother finally passed away.  In the same week, my best friend told me some heartbreaking news; my lovely Lily realised that she really did not want to be at school (we always thought this might be inevitable)  and suddenly I am trying to keep it all together.

So what next?  The funeral is next week and for me this means I can finally have closure and say goodbye to the person I loved most in the world; Lily and Noah will remain home-schooled and we will just enjoy it, take one day at a time and not make any decisions about 'education'; I shall have reduce my midwifery work from after the summer so that I can support my children as best I can; and I guess, in truth, will really have to learn to 'go with the flow'.

Angela x